Pre-Post Grad Blues

So it's finally about that time. Time to say goodbye to drinking at noon just because it's sunny outside; goodbye to sleeping until lunchtime, or if you're really hungover, dinner; goodbye to nights spent laughing in a mansion with 40 of my closest friends; Goodbye to the "best four years" of my life. We've all hit that point where this 'event that shall not be named' has come and raped the shit out of our emotional wellbeing. I, and for my sanity I hope a majority of seniors as well, am a walking, talking, graduation-fearing disaster. I spend my days submitting resumes and my nights drinking to forget that my college experience is almost over. Call it melodramatic, call it insanity, but I'm scared shitless. I have been far too blessed in life. I have the most amazing friends and an even more amazing family, but I can't help but feel completely and utterly terrified. I was certain that my internship experience and my 'go get 'em' attitude would be the only tickets I needed to board a one-way train to "Real World" success. Up until now, I have been so sickened by the thought of leaving behind this world that has been my life for the past four years that I forgot about the goodbyes that will occur after I hit I-10 to drive south for one last time. I am no good at goodbyes. Goodbyes symbolize change and if you've known me for more than a week, you know that along with me being far too dramatic, I don't do change. After leaving high school, I knew I would still be returning home regularly for holidays and for spontaneous weekend getaways. My goodbyes to my high-school friends and family were always trailed by an "I'll see you in two months". When I lived alone where the sun rests its head at night (California), I knew that I would be returning home to go off to college again. I used to see Graduation as, while a VERY saddening event, a great accomplishment. I did it. I got through four of the best but most confusing years of my life. I should be excited to throw my cap in the air, right? Unfortunately all I can think about is returning home and not having a home anymore. I have to create my own home and I have to say goodbye, a REAL goodbye to my family and my friends. Before eyes roll and mouses scroll to 'Exit', I know I'm not dying. It's just so surreal that this will be the first time that I honestly have no idea when I will see these people again. Christmas? If I can afford the plane ticket; then I have to decide which parent to see, which will no doubt leave me guilt-ridden. Georgia or Florida? Mom or Dad? Sister or Brother? His bear hugs that make everything better or her words that make me feel like I am capable of anything?

We're about to go through one of the biggest changes that life has to offer. A majority of us will be unemployed post-grads with a degree in "who cares" and a minor in "how am I going to afford my cell phone bill AND car insurance?" Skype will be the closest we get to seeing some of the ones that we love and we will spend countless hours reminiscing about Pots Happy Hour and Mandatory Makeout Mondays. Our morning showers will blend with the tears that, on more than one occasion, will fall when we realize that we're 2,000 miles away from our best friends and our bedtimes will slowly crawl counter-clockwise until we get to the point where we're asleep before Glee airs. I know these feelings don't last forever and I know that your twenties are some of the best years of your life. I've only spent two at FSU, I have eight more to go…but for today,  I just can't help but freak the hell out.

The Pre-Post-Grad Blues royally suck and are waltzing us straight into a real-life purgatory. There's a bright future waiting for me, but I have no idea how to get to it.